Single parenthood and the reality of loneliness.

Navigating single parenthood is a thing! and FYI, this post is also for those who aren't single parents. As I'm letting you in on the secret world you would never know about otherwise. This is also a personal blog so I'm sure there are other feelings and perspectives out there but I can wholeheartedly say I'm not the only one who feels this way...

The reality is that you find yourself more often that not sat with a 'meal for one!' and the sudden emptiness that's triggered when you realise that you are alone, without kids. In the early days of Single PH you are having to constantly separate from your kids. Saying hello, but also saying goodbye (if this is your dynamic). You feel the grief, they feel the grief, and you feel their grief. It's painful. And those moments on a Wednesday eve when they are away from home and you sit down to dinner are a reminder of those days.

Sure, I could distract myself, and trust me, the first year, I absolutely did. The truth is that you cannot do that forever. And this is where the shift happens.

I need to process, and feel into the pain to see where I am with it, but then, I have to shift it. There has to be a point where I go "It is time" (like Rafiki) and know that I must move forward. It's not always easy, and sometimes there are tears, and releasing what wasn't processed earlier. I cannot sit in this energetic vibration forever though, I need to shift it even slightly to feel better. I don't want to ruminate, and create a cycle of negativity that only creates more low vibes. I want to let go, and learn how I feel in this moment.

So instead of feeling sad and leaning into that identity, I can choose to say, "Hey, what would help to make me feel a little better in this moment?" Bc in reality, who are we really talking to? It's our inner child. That wants to be heard. That wants to feel all the feelings. So we listen with the awareness that we are doing something good for ourselves. We offer ourselves love, and compassion. Choose wisely. Choose healthy.

So, back to dinner thoughts. My mind goes straight to pizza, it goes straight to, crackers and dip. So I recognise, and choose differently. What is going to start to make me feel better? What can I offer myself that is going to feed my soul, and show myself that there is someone there who is going to look after little Ems. And in that moment, I choose myself. I choose to say "It's ok, I know you are feeling sad, I know you miss your children, but have a little food, something that is going to fill you up, and calm down your nervous system." I choose compassion. I choose myself.

The reality is that sometimes you feel it a little, and it's ok, and sometimes you feel it a lot, and that's ok too. It will ebb and flow. It's the nature of grief, which by the way, is what it is.

So in those moment when you feel lonely (yes I'm aware there is a difference between feeling lonely and loneliness, another blog post!), choose the picture below! Or just choose yourself, choose to feel good, be good to yourself. You can do it, and you deserve it.